Football
by partsguy
Summary: Continuing with the story of Endeavour and Joan trying to reestablish their relationship. Set twelve years after Season 5 concludes. This follows the previous story "Renewal" and is my first with multiple chapters.
1. Chapter 1

They call it Football

I simply couldn't help it, my eyes were, for what seemed like the hundredth time this morning, drawn to the clock on the wall. Apparently, all the laws of physics and nature had been suspended and time had indeed stopped. Or perhaps I was caught in some sort of time warp. Joan had only asked me to mind her son for about three hours while she took her daughter out. A small price to pay I thought for being able to spend the afternoon, and if all went well, the evening with her.

But perhaps I was wrong. The restful quiet of her house was suddenly broken by what could only be the sound of a football being either bounced or kicked in the next room. Immediately visions of broken vases and other delicate items in my own youth came to mind. I suddenly realized what my parents must have thought during my own short ill-fated attempt at football. Two words rushed through my mind "not inside!"

Not surprisingly Joan and I hadn't seen each other during the days since she had surprised me by announcing that she intended to divorce her husband. For one of the few times in the years we had known each other I felt I completely understood her motives. Certainly she was needing time to take stock of what she wanted for herself and her family. What those goals were I really had no idea at this point. Surely, she had gotten advice from friends and of course by consulting with her attorney. It seemed likely to me that they had advised her against getting involved in another serious relationship at this point. Surely, she had been advised to avoid any activity that could be construed as improper.

As for myself, I felt that it was probably a blessing in disguise that we hadn't seen each other for a few days. As little as I understood human relationships I understood that I was once again falling in love with her. Perhaps the truth was that despite my actions I had never really been out of love with her. Despite my feelings I had been unable to prevent myself love from thoroughly botching our relationship in the past, more than once in fact. Although I did think that on some levels, she had contributed to the misunderstandings, she had also been the constant in the relationship.

That relationship had ebbed and flowed over the from my multiple proposals to her leaving everything behind and moving away. Yet I had always felt that we had a connection of some sort which had never, despite my worst efforts ever died. So did I want to go down that road again? Did I want to drag her, not to mention myself down that road again? Of course that assumed that when last came to last, she would even entertain the idea? Today her children, and husband, estranged or not, made the situation infinitely more complicated. Could I prevent a repetition of the disasters of the past? Could I adapt and accept the reality of the current situation.

We were no longer a pair of starry-eyed young people caught up in the maelstrom of dreams and lust. No, she had a young family now, with two children that must be her primary focus. Could I accept that I would not be the number one thing in her life? Could I change my ways, did I want to, and could I help her raise those children?

Could she accept me again after all the mistakes I had made in our past? Would I ever forgive myself if I didn't try again? Joan was still a beautiful woman, one who would not be short of suitable suitors, likely a substantial number with better prospects than a police inspector. Lots of "if's" but I knew I had to find out.

"Hello?"

"Hello, is your mother in?"

"Yes"

"Then could I talk to her for a minute?"

The girl sat the phone down without answering and goes to get her mother.

"what is it dear?"

"somebody wants to talk to you on the phone"

"who is it? did they say?"

"no momma, but it sounded like that old man that visited and stayed for dinner that time."

The very slightest hint of a smile came to Joan's face as she wiped her hands on her apron. "thank you honey, I'll be right there."

"Hello."

"Hello, Morse here."

"Morse, I was just thinking about you."

"Really, I'm flattered."

Joan had to stifle a laugh, she could imagine Morse now, trying to figure out was that a compliment or was she teasing him.

"eh, I just thought I would call and see how you were doing".

"Very well, just getting dinner ready, how about you?"

"I see, if it's a bad time I can…

"No you're fine, I'm glad you called."

Small talk was never my strong point "Well, I finally got the heater fixed in the Jaguar."

"I'm impressed." .. "I'm glad to see that you were able to find the time?"

"Weeeell I have been very busy lately."

"I know, the job" ….. "Does that mean that I might not get glycol on my shoes…at some point."

"I hope not…. I mean no, you won't have to worry about getting glycol on your shoes anymore." I had to pause paused realizing that I was only making things worse. After taking a breath I plunged ahead.," but I wondered are you busy Saturday afternoon?" "I don't believe it's your style but there is going to be a recital at the college…perhaps if you're free."

"What kind of recital?"

"One of the better local talents. Classical of course."

Of course she had known the answer but there was always a chance. "Morse, I wouldn't expect anything else from you."…. "What time?"

"Its scheduled to start at two, and then afterwards there's a reception which I've been invited to."

"Let me call Debbie and see if she's available. Can I ring you back later?"

"Of course…I do hope you can make it."….."perhaps we could make an afternoon of it."

"Sounds interesting, of course I'll have to have a sitter. Let me call Debbie then. Goodbye"

Joan hung up the phone, a little smile playing around her lips. She wasn't really a fan of classical music, although her association with Morse over the years had taught her to at least tolerate it. She would finish what she was doing, and call Debbie later. It wouldn't hurt to have Morse wait just a bit.

"But Momma you promised us we could go Saturday."

"Well something has come up that your mother may have to do."

"But you promised!"

Joan knew that she had promised her daughter to take her shopping for a new outfit Saturday afternoon. At the same time although she wasn't a fan of classical music she didn't want to chance offending Morse. After some thought she came to what she thought might be a solution.

"Morse"

"Morse, Joan here."

"Good evening, how are you tonight?"

"Fine, fine."

"That's always good to hear."

"Morse, about Saturday"

"Yes?"

"There's a little problem, I have a previous obligation which I had forgotten."

"Oh, I see"

"I was supposed to take my daughter out shopping Saturday afternoon,…. and I had promised."

I knew she would sometimes have conflicts like this, regardless I was disappointed. "I see, perfectly understandable. Another time perhaps"

"Wait Morse, perhaps there is a way, but I hate to ask…."

So there was a glimmer of hope "Go ahead"

"well I was thinking..oh, I really hate to ask this of you"

"what is it?"

"I could take her Saturday morning, instead of the afternoon, but….."

"Debbie is busy that morning and somebody has to mind Fred." "But I have an idea."

Immediately I realized where she was going with this, and I couldn't believe it.

"yes?" "what is it, it can't be that bad"

"Well, if you weren't busy Saturday morning…..perhaps you could mind my son while I take my daughter shopping. Then we could all have lunch together. Debbie is free that afternoon, so she could mind the kids while you and I go to the recital…I know it's a lot to ask."

I had been worried that she would turn me down, but this. This might be worse. But….

"weeelll, I suppose I could do it."

Saturday morning came, and I drove slowly towards Joan's house. Carefully gauging my pace to ensure that while I wasn't late, I had no desire to be early. The thought of having to babysit Joan's son held no appeal for me. If it didn't involve cocktails and appetizers, I had no idea how to entertain anyone, much less a child for several hours. Yet, it was either that or not see Joan today.

Finally pulling up in front of her house, I took my time getting out of the car and walking up to her door. Someone must have been watching and Joan herself opened the door, one earring in and the other in her hand. Obviously not quite finished with her preparations to go out. "Good morning, Morse" she greeted me with that smile that still brought my heart into my throat. "come on in, my daughters not quite ready", she huffed a little laugh as she was inserting her last earring adding "she must be taking after her mother, heh?"

"good morning" I gave her what I hoped passed for a smile, then entered the house carefully, having only been there a couple of times I wasn't quite sure of where I was to go. Sensing that Joan led me into the living room, telling me to "make yourself at home, I doubt if you're interested in the telly but feel free. The papers in, and feel free to do the crossword, none of us are that clever". I thought I heard someone, likely her daughter, in the kitchen, so I presumed she was almost ready.

"I'll introduce you to my son, Fred, before we go." She reached out and touched me on the sleeve, "I really appreciate you doing this, I know it's asking a lot."

A weak smile was all I could muster "it's perfectly alright"

"Fred, come in here and meet Mr. Morse."

Joan's son came from somewhere further back in the house. Joan did the introduction by saying "Fred, this in Mr. Morse, he will be staying with you this morning while your sister and I are gone out for a little while". "He and I are old friends, and I'm sure you and he will get along famously."

Young Fred and I exchanged looks which wouldn't have been out of place on someone meeting an alien lifeform for the first time. He did allow me a grudging "hello" before turning and disappearing back the way he had come. Hoping that I wouldn't be overheard I couldn't resist asking Joan "what am I supposed to do? You know I know nothing about children".

"oh, he will mostly entertain himself, I think. We won't be gone but a couple of hours."

Feeling like a man abandoned to his fate, I held the door as first Lily and then Joan went out. Joan pausing just long enough to give me a peck on the cheek and a smile. "We won't be gone too long." And then they were gone.

"Only a couple of hours" somehow the sound of that football made those five words seem like an empty assurance.

Setting the Oxford Mail to the side I heaved myself up out of the easy chair and hurried into the next room. There I found young Fred lazily bouncing a football up in the air with his foot. I had to watch for just a moment, impressed by the skill of someone so young. Far more skillful than I could remember myself being at his age. Sometimes he would let the ball bounce before resuming his act of keeping it in the air. After watching for a few moments I remembered why I had come in. Although he was in the middle of the floor the only thing, I could imagine was that disaster was only a bounce away. That had happened too many times in my own youth. The results had generally meant a paddling of my bottom, something I couldn't, and wouldn't dream of doing here. Those sore memories from my youth were likely the reason I didn't do sports or even follow them to this day.

Fortunately he had enough of an open area so there was no immediate danger. The room had, like the rest of the house been restored to its original condition since I was last here. There were no packing boxes or stuffing lying around. Everything, or everything that I remembered had apparently been returned to its place. In short there was no indication that Joan any longer had intentions of moving. Even so I didn't want to have to explain to Joan how something had gotten broken while I was supposedly minding the boy. So instead of relaxing in her easy chair I was going to have to coax the boy outside.

To my relief Fred was far more eager to go out into the yard than I was. All I had had to do was promise to play "footer" with him. Fortunately it was a warm sunny morning, one which would be ideal to sports enthusiasts, children and tourists. None of which categories I fit into. I had hoped that by playing "footer" with the boy I could basically just stand there and watch him kick the ball around the yard. Unfortunately that wasn't what he had in mind. He seemed to want me to put some effort into it. Seeing that as the lesser of a bunch of evils I tried to comply, after all he was just a child.

Unfortunately the child was much more adept at playing ball than I was. After he scored a series of goals while I impersonated a statute, he began to whine that I wasn't trying and was apparently on the verge of quitting and going back inside. While I had no problem with going back inside, I did have a problem with him telling his mom I wouldn't play with him. So I had to stick it out. You would think it would be easy for a grown man to beat a child at sports. It wasn't all one sided though. While I was older, bigger and faster, I wasn't dressed for sports. Instead I was dressed to attend the recital afterwards, the sole concession being the lack of my jacket. That combined with the need to not embarrass the child made it more even than I would have hoped.

It wasn't long before I was huffing and puffing trying to keep up with the lad. Each time he scored a goal that latent competitiveness which we all have made me want to beat the little rascal a wee bit more. Effort in sports, even back yard sports sometimes has consequences. The first time I fell I was aghast. Knowing I didn't have a change with me I would just have to be a bit more careful. The second and third times I didn't mind the clothing as much. It was finally my heavy breathing that forced me to say, "no mas". "Lets go back inside, your mom should be home soon".

We hadn't hardly been inside long enough for me to take stock of my dishevelment when the doorbell rang. Fred had gone off somewhere, so I went and opened the door for Joan and her daughter to enter. Rather than face them I turned my back so that Joan couldn't see my embarrassment. The girl didn't pay me any mind, walked right past me with a little sack of whatever they had purchased.

Joan however wasn't having it. She had taken me in with her first glance. She walked around me, as much as I kept turning, she kept inspecting me. Finally after we had made a complete revolution she said "Morse, stop. Look at me." She could hardly contain herself, the need to laugh so apparent on that beautiful face.

"Morse, what have you been doing?"

"eh, well your son wanted to play football, and, well it just escalated…"

"I see." I could tell she wanted to hug me but the bag she was carrying prevented it, the look on her face however, let me know that I had done something right. "Well, Morse, let me get things put away while you straighten yourself up."


	2. Chapter 2 The Recittal

**Chapter Two**

 **The Recital**

I was miserable, from the time I walked in the door and turned the light switch in the front room. I had a feeling something was wrong. At first, I hadn't noticed, or paid any attention to it. Now however it was glaringly apparent. Something wasn't right, there was the tiniest of feeling that something was missing. Part of being a good policeman is sensing the unusual, the odd if you will.

So I followed up my instincts and went throughout the house, checking, just in case. Glancing around, all the familiar objects seemed to be in place, undisturbed. There was no indication that anyone had been in my house in my absence. In fact it didn't seem that it was something tangible that was missing. Somehow tonight the comfortable familiarity just wasn't there, it just didn't "feel" right. Something was different, something I couldn't place but nevertheless important. I had noticed the first twinges of that same feeling while driving home from Joan's house.

Having poured myself a generous measure of Glenfiditch, I took out a new version of my favorite opera, placing it reverently on the turntable to give a listen. I was just starting my second glass when it came to me. It was right in front of me, what it was that was missing. It had been right in front of me the entire time.

While I was processing the realization the phone began to ring. I answered thinking that perhaps Joan had forgotten to tell me something. Instead I got something quite different. Different but quite normal.

"Morse"

"Sorry to bother you at this hour Inspector, but a body has been found"

"I see….just a minute while I get my notebook."

I had a problem. Playing football, maybe attempting to play would be better, with Fred, Joan's son, had left me disheveled. If disheveled is the proper word for a middle-aged man that's fallen on the ground several times while playing football. Certainly I was not properly attired for the recital that afternoon, not to mention the reception afterward. Fortunately Debbie, the sitter, was on time, in fact early according to Joan. So we hurried through a light lunch with the kids, a lunch that seemed to be enjoyed by everyone other than myself. Occasionally Joan would glance in my direction and quickly hide a smile behind her napkin. Well I'm glad she took such enjoyment from my discomfort. Then she rushed away to quickly change, or so she said. Of course, quickly is a relative term I suppose, as it seemed to me she took an inordinate amount of time to. However I must admit the wait was worth the results, she looked stunning when she came out. It's always been a mystery to me why it takes women so long to dress. Perhaps as a bachelor I wasn't privy to whatever mysteries were involved, maybe best I didn't know.

Even after she came down, I still needed to try and hurry everyone along, as we needed to swing by my house. That way I could change into something clean and respectable before continuing. Yet, there seemed to be no end to the instructions she was giving to Debbie, who was trying desperately to avoid rolling her eyes. Finally, finally, Joan was ready, and we could go. Although I think I may have hurried her a bit much on the way to the door, I could see the telltale signs of an impending eruption on her face. Fortunately it all ended well, we made it to my place without incident, and I was able to get changed with time to spare.

While I was changing Joan was wandering through the house, for what I had no idea, just passing time I assumed. For all my adult life I have been dressing myself, and, to my knowledge doing an acceptable job. Yet this afternoon, Joan wasn't happy with my tie. Nothing would do but she had to retie it for me before we could leave. That was to my recollection the first time a woman had tied or retied a tie for me. I must confess she did an excellent job on the full Windsor knot, not better, but surprisingly good.

On the way to the recital we passed the time in what seemed a very comfortable silence. She did make a few comments comparing the new house to the old one and wondered out loud whether a few things could possibly be improved upon. Idle chit chat I suppose, just passing the time. In between those comments I had the opportunity to glance over. I was impressed with a feeling of dejavu. It just seemed so right to see her in the passenger seat of the Jag again. It was if she belonged there and the years of her absence had never happened.

From the moment we pulled up to the college everything seemed to go well. Parking was convenient, the valet courteous, and the venue certainly appropriate to the performance. I had heard the young lady perform once or twice before, but today she seemed to be at the peak of her powers. My only concern was whether Joan would be bored beyond belief with this style of music. While she had in the past tolerated classical music as a sop to me, her taste used to be decidedly more modern. While I did detect a certain amount of fidgeting, if she were uncomfortable, she did a reasonable job of hiding it. I did make a note that at some point, if things between us progressed, I might have to return the favor.

For myself I must admit I wasn't able to fully concentrate on the performance. It had been quite a few years since anyone had accompanied me to such an event. Anyone whose enjoyment was a consideration at any rate. Quite a novel experience for me, one that would take some getting used to.

The reception was something that I had been looking forward to all week. Not just because it was unusual that I was invited to attend, a summons almost, but for the most juvenile of reasons. I was looking forward to showing off Joan to those who I assumed would be in attendance. Yet the first time I went to introduce her I didn't know what to say. Did I introduce her as Mrs. Prewitt?, as Joan?, or how? After a few uncomfortable moments, Joan herself solved the issue by introducing herself as "Joan, an old friend of Morse's." I could have kissed her on the spot, instead I settled for draping my arm casually around her waist. The rest of the event went swimmingly. We met a few people that I knew to varying degrees, made the obligatory meet with the deputy commissioner, who had a couple of generic questions to ask before we could move on, and generally made it through without any notable gaffes.

One moment stood out from the rest, however. The first was just as we were getting another glass, when I heard a voice say "Joan. Joan Prewitt!" We both turned in the direction of the voice to see a man, fortyish, pushing his way through the crowd in our direction. I could see Joan tensing although the expression on her face never changed. She seized the initiative by extending her hand and saying to him, "why Graham, what a pleasure to see you here today." Although he quickly covered himself, he was obviously surprised to see her with me, rather than her husband. I was introduced as "my dear old friend Morse." They carried on a brief conversation about the recital and mutual acquaintances for several minutes before he excused himself and went off into the crowd. In the meantime I had taken the opportunity to down about half of my drink. Joan appeared completely nonplussed, in fact before we began to resume mingling, she said to me, "bound to happen wasn't it?" Despite my better judgement I had to ask who he was. "Oh, he's a good friend of my husband. They worked together before Robert was posted. He has a lovely friend, Susan, you'd probably like her. Wonder where she was, I'd love to have seen her." As we dove back into the scrum, I had the feeling that I had a lot of catching up to do. That Joan's life had moved forward much more than just a couple of children. That perhaps it was me on display rather than her.

The other moment was meeting a pair of men I had known from many years before. At that time they had been associated in some nebulous fashion with Special Branch. Now they didn't bother giving any clue who, if anybody they were working for. They introduced themselves making a point, in the most gracious way possible, of making it clear that they knew who Joan was, and that we had a history. Other than that they were completely circumspect.

While waiting for the valet to bring the Jag back around I felt quite pleased about the way the afternoon had gone, one of the most enjoyable in quite some time. So much so that I didn't want it to end then. After we had gotten into the car, I asked Joan whether she was ready to go home. To my relief she just smiled and shook her head "no". Being a bit overdressed for a park we visited one of the museums. Afterwards however we had to go to her home as she wanted to have dinner with her kids.

When we pulled up in front of the house, I was disappointed. However she did invite me to stay for dinner as Debbie had been instructed to prepare for all of us. The food itself was certainly tasty, not five stars but perfectly adequate. Yet it was something about the atmosphere which held my interest. Joan and her children had the easy familiarity which I remembered from years ago in her parents' home. Even Debbie seemed to fit right in almost like one of the family. Again I likened it to my days as Inspector Thursdays bagman. As for myself, although Joan tried hard to make me at home, I was still an outsider. I shouldn't have expected anything different I suppose, certainly not at this point.

The trip home was made almost automatically, lulled by the quiet comfort of the aging Jag. Along the way I went back over the day, reviewing what had been an eventful day. From being sprawled facedown in Joan's backyard, to having Joan on my arm in formal dress. The few miles went by effortlessly as I basked in the warmth of having had what was admittedly a good day. Yet, there was something, I wasn't sure what it was, lurking in the back of my consciousness. Something tiny, with no form, but it was there. Even so I parked the Jag, made sure it was locked and went into my house, just pausing to turn on the lights.

I had made sure that I knew the location where the body had been found and drove leisurely towards it. There was no need to hurry, Lewis would have made sure that nothing was disturbed and the SOCO team would already be at work. So I allowed my mind to wander a bit. Back to what had been bothering me almost from the time I had left Joan's home. It had become clear to me, almost an epiphany, during my second drink, it was the contrast between my solitary life, and being with Joan and her family. Was it good or was it bad? I knew that I couldn't have Joan without her family. The chance for that had gone by the wayside years before. It had been on a night much like this one. I had come home from what had been several days of exhausting work following some horrendous crime. It was the worst time in my entire career. I was exhausted, overstressed, had quickly gotten roaring drunk, and….I had taken it out on her. Words and actions that were totally uncalled for, far over the line. Things I could never forgive myself for and thought neither could she. But ten years is indeed a long time, and people perhaps are forgiving, even to those who don't deserve it.

I saw the reflections of the flashing lights against the buildings first. Then a constable with a torch stopped me, and after verifying my identification, directed me where to park.


	3. Chapter 3 Confession of a Guilty Man

Chapter Three

 **Confession of a Guilty Man**

I parked the Jag in the area where the PC had directed me, switched everything off, and took a deep breath before getting out. From the number of people milling around it wasn't hard to determine where I needed to go. As I approached the group, I noticed Sergeant Lewis talking to what I assumed to be one of the members of the SOCO team.

"What have we got Lewis?"

"Evening sir" He didn't bother with any more idle chitchat, it was far too early in the morning and we had performed this particular task hundreds of times before. He pulled out his notebook and began to give me the details of what he had found out so far. A male mid-forties, stabbed. Max had already arrived and was making his examination prior to the removal of the body.

"Has there been an identification yet?"

"According to his drivers license he is one Otto Williams, forty-seven years of age, an excursion bus driver. He worked for this company, lived here in the city."

About that time Max DeBrym walked up, having finished his examination.

"Gentlemen"

"Max, what have we got"

"stabbed in the chest with what was apparently a very sharp instrument, death wasn't instantaneous, but he didn't linger long".

"time of death?"

"not more than two hours ago"

"anything more that you can tell us at this point?"

"nothing now, after the post mortem, …..say around one?"

"umm"

"Gentlemen" with that the pathologist took his leave.

"Awright, Lewis any witnesses?"

"none so far, sir, the body was found by the gentleman who cleans the buses. Seems like he had been somewhere off the premises at the time, although he's not being very forthcoming about where he was. The owner of the company has been called and is on his way. Uniforms will be doing a house to house at the end of the block, perhaps there was a dog walker or something.

Awright Lewis, cordon off the area, once it gets light have the premises, all the other vehicles etc. searched.

Sir, the owner isn't going to be very happy about that surely, he has excursions booked, may cost him a pile.

"Leewis"

"yes sir.

I lay there in the darkness propped on one elbow listening to the rhythmic breathing of the woman lying beside me. The sound of the antique clock the only sound to distract me from her. Even though the room was in darkness I could make out her form silhouetted against the backdrop of light which filtered in through the curtains. Occasionally she would move, a slight stretch or a subtle shifting of her body. Her breathing, which could hardly be called snoring was a bit deeper than I remembered it.

I had always enjoyed watching Joan sleep after we had made love, it was always a time of contentment to me. She almost always fell asleep after we had made love, while I rarely did. As much as I enjoyed watching her, that wasn't what was on my mind now as I waited for her to waken. I felt a need to bare my soul to her. Not merely to tell her that I loved her, it wouldn't be the first time I had told her that. I had been in love with her for almost as long as I had known her. And I'm sure that I wouldn't be the only man to tell her that as she lay in his bed. So it would probably sound trite or cheap at a moment like this. Yet I desperately needed to tell her, to confess if you will, how very sorry I was. Sorry for what I had done all those years before. And how much I regretted never having tried to make it right. In short for pushing her away on the eve of our wedding. But was now the time?

It was then that I noticed a change in her breathing which told me she was waking up. Again she stretched, lay still for a moment, I could tell she was collecting herself before turning to me.

I could sense rather than see a smile on her face in the darkness. "Hello".

"Hello there"

She reached out her arm wrapped it round me and pulled me close before saying "that was nice."

"its been a long time"

"speaking of time, what time is it?"

"I don't know, let me see" I pushed the button to illuminate the dial on my wristwatch before sinking back onto the sheets "its gone half past eleven".

"you shouldn't have let me sleep so long."

"I enjoyed watching you sleep, you know that."….."Besides I was gathering my nerve."

She huffed a small laugh "you, gather your nerve? That sounds serious, I'm not sure I want to hear"

"There's something I want to talk to you about…No, something I need to say to you." "Something I should have told you a long, long time ago"

"Morse, I want to hear it, I truly do, but I need to get home, can we talk on the way? Debbie will be worried"

The Jag purred through the streets of the city, chewing up the miles towards her house.

"I wish I didn't have to take you home tonight." That didn't get a response, as we both knew that she had to go.

"What was it that you wanted to tell me, I'm sorry if I spoiled the moment."

"I don't know if I should now, maybe it's not important"..

"Come on Morse, if it was important then it's important now."

"No, it can keep"

"That's it, Morse, pull over."

"you're serious? … I thought you had to get home."

"Yes, I'm serious, pull over"

I found a spot where I could pull the Jag into a deserted parking area.

"Morse, if it was important enough for you to be thinking about after we made love, its important enough to tell me."

"I don't know if I can, or should, exactly."

She sat silently waiting for me to begin.

"I know I hurt you terribly back then, and I knew it the moment I did it." …."Oh, I could use the excuse that it was the alcohol, or the stress, any number of excuses, but that's all they are…. Just excuses."

She didn't say a word, didn't utter a sound, waiting for me to continue.

"but I think the really unforgivable part is to never, up until now say I'm sorry."…..""and I am sorry"…"I won't ask you to forgive me".

We sat there in silence for what seemed like minutes but probably wasn't.

"Morse, I can forgive you, and judging from the events of this evening I already have….at some level".

"But, Morse…..forgiveness and forgetting are two entirely different things. I will never forget"

I opened my mouth to continue, but before I could she put a finger to my lips to stop me. "let's go home"

We made the rest of the trip in silence. Each thinking about what the other had said I suppose.

The Jag came to a stop in front of her house, but before I could get out she laid a hand on my sleeve to stop me.

"Give me a minute…I've been talking to Graham's friend Susan about some things….You remember Graham from the reception?"

"Yessss."

"They've been friends for years now and have a very loving relationship. He's asked her to marry him several times, wants her to give up her work and says that perhaps it's not too late for them to start a family."

"Sounds like an attractive offer"

"It's not to her Morse, she has no desire to rattle around in his house and be a breed mare."

Now it was my turn to be silent.

"I think I know what you are feeling, that things could have been different for us, but they aren't Morse, and I understand how she feels, I love my children Morse, but I'm not sure that the life he is offering her would appeal to me either…..at least not right now."

The silence inside the Jag was so thick you could cut it with a knife.

"Was there anything else you wanted to say?"

"eh, no I don't think so."

"Well I'd better be going in." she huffed that little magical laugh of hers "I guess this is where I say I had a lovely time." And opened the door.

"I tell you what the real crime is Lewis"

"what's that sir?"

"It's right here in this cup!...Gawd, this coffee's awful….Lewis why didn't you warn me of how bad it is?"

"how many year's now have you been drinking it sir?"

"Seems like it's getting worse"

The sergeant just smiled to himself, time his boss got in one of these moods it was the same thing. He suspected it wasn't the coffee that was really troubling him this morning. He suspected that it was something that, in years gone by, might be referred to as woman trouble. If so, he was only too happy to see it. He couldn't imagine a life without his wife, Morse's bachelorhood was something that he just couldn't understand.

As much as I wanted the caffeine I couldn't take anymore. I sat the cup back on the desk before going back to business.

"alright what have we got so far?"

The ever-conscientious Lewis flipped to the appropriate page in his notebook before beginning. "Dr. DeBrym believes the time of death to have been somewhere between 1 and 3 AM. Cause of death to have been a single stab wound to the heart, by a small sharp blade. Most likely a inexpensive common knife such as a switchblade as opposed to a stiletto. There are scrapes on the knuckles of the right hand as if he were in a fight at the time of or shortly before he died.

"Has the cleaner told us where he disappeared to?"

"Not yet, but I will be talking to him again."

"Were any other drivers supposed to be there at the time?"

"No, he was taking a special early charter out. No other drivers due to arrive before six."

"bring the cleaner in and I want to be there when you talk to him"

"Ready?"

"what? Joan looked up from the paperwork on her desk toward her friend Linda standing in the doorway of her office.

"Ready to take a break?"

"Oh, it's that time already." She automatically looked at the clock on the wall before answering "Yes, sure, just give me a minute." She straightened the papers on her desk, before standing and joining her friend as they walked toward the break room.

"How's it going this morning?"

"Oh, alright, same old story, too much need not enough volunteers"

Her friend paused to look around the sparsely appointed break room to make sure that nobody was there to listen in. "you know that's not what I'm really interested in."

Joan raised an eyebrow, knowing what the next question would be.

"come on, how was your date last night?"

She took a few seconds to finish preparing her tea, "oh, ok I guess."

"that's not exactly a ringing endorsement."

"it's true, it was nice"

"ok, if you don't want to talk about it"

"well it's the truth" knowing her friend wasn't going to be put off she felt she had to say more "we've known each other a long time." "a lot of ups and downs along the way"

Linda snickered at that response. "I thought so!" that drew a quick retort" oh, get your mind out of the gutter"

Linda couldn't help but laugh at her friend's defensiveness. Then. "so when are you going out with him again?"

"who said I was?"

"you didn't have to, you haven't acted today like a woman who had a disastrous date last night."

"who knows, he may not ask me again"

"uh, huh, you expect me to believe that."

"Well he is a very busy man you know"

Linda leaned back in her chair and smiled at her friend, "I didn't ask you whether you were going to marry him."

Joan stood up, not wanting to continue the discussion, even with her friend, "that's not about to happen, I think its time I got back to work, see you later"

Linda watched, a thoughtful look on her face as her friend put her trash away and walked out the door. Certainly Joan had left a lot unsaid and that spoke volumes. She had no doubt that an old spark was being rekindled despite what she was being told. A sly smile spread across her face as she wondered whether Joan had found "her old friend Morse" to be good in bed last night. Then she stood and followed her out into the hallway and back to work.

It had taken several days, but we had finally made significant progress. Lewis of course had done the bulk of the routine work, interviewing drivers and so on. The cleaner had seen the deceased come in for his excursion, had even spoken to him. Then knowing that no other drivers were due until six he had left the premises to visit a girlfriend. When he returned, he had found the body outside the office of the company, his bus idling in the parking lot.

According to other drivers Mister Williams was not universally liked by his fellow employees. Some of the other drivers felt like he had received preferential treatment from the company. Of course that was denied by the company, the owner being adamant that he insisted on equal treatment for everyone.

"Awright Lewis, what about these claims of favoritism?"

"I've interviewed all of the other drivers and it seems like a small group, about four of them believe that Mr. Williams was getting preferential treatment. More work than they were getting."

"How is that?"

"These drivers all work a specific area in and around the city. They claim that the work isn't done on a rotating basis. That instead Mister Williams worked every day while they oftimes sat at home."

"Is that the company's policy?"

"I spoke to the owner and he was rather vague, just saying the dispatcher, who makes the work assignments, was doing what he wanted."

"Hm, perhaps I need to chat with him…..why don't you check the companies records and see if there is any truth to this. If some people were not making money while Mister Williams was…"

"Thank you"

The waiter smiled a vacuous smile at the woman before placing the other drink, a rather large one, in front of the gentleman at the table. Straightening he glanced, first at the gentleman, before asking, "will there be anything else?"

The gentleman just shook his head slightly in dismissal, at which point the waiter gave the slightest of bows and stepped back one pace before turning and leaving them.

"your health my dear" he said to her before taking a satisfying sip of his drink. She smiled a thank you before doing likewise.

"So how have you been doing?" The children doing well I trust, I imagine this has been a difficult time for them."

"They are actually coping better than I expected."…..She gave a slight grimace before adding, "not that there haven't been moments, particularly with Fred."….."Sometimes I think he's trying me, just to see what I will allow."

"That's not unexpected is it."

"No, I suppose not. He probably misses his father more than my daughter does."

"Umm. Speaking of males"

She sat her glass down for the moment, knowing what was coming.

"Morse behaving himself?"

She laughed. "He has too, you're keeping him busy enough…that wouldn't be by design now would it?"

"idle hands are the devil's workshop they say"

She had to give a laugh at that. "seriously, he's been very good."

They noticed that the waiter was on his way back towards their table., so before he got there, she felt compelled to add "I'm a big girl now Jim."

he studied her over his glass before responding. "quite so, but leopards seldom change their spots. Don't let him mess you about"

"are you ready to order?"

"I believe we are."

As it turned out the claims were accurate, rather than rotating the work among the four drivers the dispatcher was giving Williams work every day. The other drivers only worked if there was additional work available. A review of their pay showed a dramatic difference between themselves and Williams. But the breakthrough came when we talked to the head of the group that Williams was supposed to take on an excursion the day of his death.

They had asked for another driver by name to take them on the trip and had been assured that their request would be granted. Then under questioning the dispatcher, after originally denying it had admitted that he had assigned the requested driver the job. But had changed it on the afternoon before the trip. It appeared that Williams had been kicking back money to the dispatcher in exchange for preferential treatment.

Then we found that the driver originally assigned had returned home that morning suffering from bruising, telling his wife that he had been mugged on the way to work.

In the end it was found that two drivers had shown up for work that morning, Williams being the first to arrive. Neither expected to see the other, and neither was willing to give up what could have been a lucrative job. Words had been exchanged, punches were thrown, with Williams getting the upper hand over the older smaller man. In what he felt was self-defense, the other driver had pulled out a small knife and stabbed Williams in the chest. Realizing that the bus cleaner was not on the premises and that there were no witnesses he fled.

As Lewis and I were interviewing him for the last time, he admitted what had happened but claimed self-defense. We arrested him, and he was incarcerated awaiting trial.

"I don't see why you are so stubborn…..you know you need to do it."

What I needed to do now was to move my arm just a little bit, the way Joan was positioned was making it a little uncomfortable. "I just never have liked going to the doctor."

"that's just being foolish, you know you need to."

"awright, will it make you happy if I do? Will you stop banging on about it?"

" yes."

"ok, I'll do it, just leave me alone about it, Ok? "

She raised her head up so she could look me in the eyes "when?"

"soon awright. Now let me hold you a little longer before you go."


	4. Chapter 4 Spiral

**Chapter Four of Football**

 **Spiral**

 **"** Dammit Jim, he won't listen to me, can't you do something about it before it gets worse?"

"Joan, I'm sorry, my hands are tied, that unless he goes totally rogue there is nothing I can do. I thought, and still think, that you could help him. And I do think that you have. But he's always been a stubborn rascal, it may take some time for even you to help him. But you know, I know, we all know he loves you."

"But Jim he's just hurting himself."

"I'm sorry. And I know you're upset because you care about him. But he's still doing a very good job, if you stick with him, maybe he will get a grip before long."

"Well Jim, all I can do is try. But you want to hear something funny before you go?"

"certainly, we've been way too serious tonight."

"He's actually going to accompany me to a bazaar we're having at work Friday night. It ought to be the most boring event of the year!"

Superintendent Jim Strange couldn't help but smile at the thought of how miserable Morse would be at such an event. "Well, be careful that he doesn't spike the punch."

"I'll make sure he doesn't Jim"

"I hate to run, but my pager just went off, duty calls'

"Of course Jim….and Jim, thanks for listening."

"Good night – and Joan, in the end it's up to him to help himself."

"I know it is Jim, I guess I'm just worried for him. Good night"

This had all the looks of being one of the longest evenings of my life. If it hadn't been that Joan had asked me, I wouldn't have attended this event on bet. As it was, I would have to make the best of it. Of course we had to be there before the event officially started, as Joan had to make sure that everything was in order. Then she had to introduce me to all her co-workers. A group that I couldn't imagine having anything in common with. So even before the event started the muscles in my face were beginning to feel the strain.

I suppose its normal at events such as this to have to engage in mindless small talk but that wasn't the worst part. There were various games and raffles, I suppose to raise money for whatever cause they were supporting. Inevitably there were times when I would be left on my own while Joan did her bit for the cause. During those times I was trying to figure out if I could safely slip away and take a nap. Failing that perhaps I could put my mind to use and pretend to be invisible. Obviously, I wasn't succeeding as I was always jostled by somebody.

On one occasion Joan stole up behind me, gave me a playful poke and made me jump, that brought a laugh from her. "Are you having fun yet?"

"hmm"

"you didn't spike the punch while I was gone did you? Jim told me to be on the lookout for that."

"umm, Jim's got a lot of room to talk"

She squeezed my elbow at my lack of enthusiasm "regardless, thank you for coming with me tonight, I appreciate it"

"you're welcome. When did you say it was over?"

"10, and then I've got to help, at least a little bit, with the cleanup."

"oh my word."

"well if you want to you run along, I'm sure I can get a ride."

"I'm sure. I hate it when you do that, you know I'm not going anywhere and leave you here."

She didn't bother to answer that she knew she had the advantage of me.

"did you make an appointment with the doctor yet?"

"I forgot." The look in her eyes told me that wasn't the right answer. "OK, I'll do it I promise"

Fortunately at that time she was summoned over to resolve a crisis at one of the games tables but before she left, she gave me a look of exasperation along with "Morse, what do I have to do? you need to take care of yourself."

I watched her as she walked away knowing that I hadn't heard the end of this. She wasn't the type of woman to give up on something that was important too her. And to my continued surprise I was evidently important enough for her to want to get her way.

The door opened, and Joan stepped in and gave her surprised father a quick hug. "Hi dad"

"Hello Joanie, what are you doing here?"

"Just thought I would stop by and see how you were doing….it's been a couple of weeks now"

"you didn't need to do that. But I'm glad to see you."

Mr. Thursday looked around outside before closing the door behind his daughter. "He didn't come with you I see, don't tell me…."

"NO DAD!" …"he's working, Some case that they must be getting close to closing."

"eh?, "anything interesting?"

"Dad, you know him, he's almost as bad as you were about talking about a case."

"a good habit for a copper to have"…"he treating you right is he?"

"we are fine." "let me fix us some lunch."

"You don't need to go to that much trouble, besides are you sure you have time?"

"come on dad, it's the weekend, Debbie's with the kids, and Morse is working. So I'm all yours for the afternoon."

"as long as you're sure"

"of course I'm sure, why don't you sit down, and I'll fix up something for lunch then we can catch up"

Fortunately Joan had picked up some groceries on the way because there wasn't much in. She prepared a salad, some tuna and put the tea on. Fred prepared the table and they sat down to eat.

"So Dad are you doing ok?"

"Doing fine, trying to keep myself busy, I think that's the hardest part."

"are you still working part time at the grocery?"

"yes, but I'm not sure for how much longer, I'm not as young as I was, you know."….he reached out and put his hand on hers briefly, then withdrew it. "but Joan, I don't want to talk about me today."

"Ok, what do you want to talk about?"

"do you hear from Robert?"

She glanced down, briefly before answering. "just through his attorney."

"have you thought about taking him back?" by the look on her face he knew her answer. She was his daughter, stubborn, and once she had made her mind up it wasn't likely that she would change it.

"no dad, it was over between us long before we decided to separate."

"and your children, do you think this is the best for them?"

"ideal? No. But it was getting worse and that was affecting them as well. This is the best way"

He huffed a derisive snort "with Morse?"

"dad, what's happened to you, he was your rising star for years, the man you were hoping would take your place!"

"that was before he did what he did to you! I can't forgive him for that."

"I'm sorry for that, but it doesn't change the fact that we are friends"

"hah, friends, sleeping together is for more than friends."

"dad, I'm a big girl and I will take whoever I want to my bed." "And for your information he's not well and I blame you!"

"What! How am I to blame for anything about him?

"because its his blood sugar, its off the chart! which comes from his drinking too much. And who started him back to drinking? you"

"me? I bought him a beer! Not my fault if he liked it too much!"

"and all those lunches in the pubs, a bottle in your desk. You should have seen where it was going!"

"we had a job to do, and we did it"

"are you going to marry him after the divorce?"

"Dad, you're impossible!"

Debbie answered the door before Joan could use her key.

"Welcome home"

"Thanks Deb, I'm exhausted, how were the kids?"

"They were fine, Fred's feeling his oats a little bit, but nothing to worry about, would you like a cuppa?"

"he's the one I worry about the most, of course I would love one, let me just sit down a minute, dealing with Dad is getting to be more and more difficult"

It was only a couple of minutes later before Debbie bought Joan her tea. "if you don't mind, I'll join you in a cup before I go."

"of course, that would be lovely… Debbie, why are all the men in my life a pain in the butt?"

Debbie almost choked on her tea at that one. Regaining control of her saucer, she managed to set it down while coughing and gagging the tea which had gone the wrong way. Finally she was able to get out the words although they sounded more like a croak. "How so?"

"simple, there are really just three grown men that I care about, two if you exclude Robert. And both of them are determined to make my life difficult."

"How so?... I assume you are talking about your Dad and Morse?"

"Exactly,….. Dad can't or won't let go of his dislike for Morse,

"why?"

"because of the way he acted at the end, right before we were to get married, being mad then was understandable but I'm a big girl."

"and Morse?"

She took another sip of her tea, looked into her cup for a moment before answering. "he drinks too much, and its damaging his health. I've begged him to go to the doctor, and he won't do it. Even if he does, I don't know that he will follow their advice."

"I never see him look too….ugh, …much the worse for wear."

"no, not around me, or the kids, and Jim Strange says he's fine on the job. But that leaves a lot of time, doesn't it?"

"the answers simple… spend more time with him so he won't drink as much."

"Deb, don't start that….." although she had to smile behind her cup.

"Joan, not my place to ask but you do love him, don't you?"

"yes, but I'm worried about him. And it frustrates me that he won't let me help him."

"I suppose that leads to rows?"

"Occasionally some world class rows, Debbie."

"but I suppose he's been that way for a while now." She saw Joan raising a questioning eyebrow. "Stubborn I mean."

That elicited a small huff from Joan. "oh yes…..OH YES."

Debbie put down her saucer, stood up and said "well let me wash these before I go."

"No need, leave it, I'll take care of them. Thank you for keeping the kids" "And Deb…..thanks for listening."


End file.
